I think I might start posting clips and things in between reviews.....

Constantine and the Cross (1962)

This movie was OK.  It's difficult to find a hard copy, but is readily available on YouTube.  It focuses mostly on the events leading up to Constantine having his famous vision and winning the battle that, in the film, is kind of anti-climactic.  A lot of the plot points, like Christians stubbornly refusing to renounce Jesus in the face of terrible death, are starting to feel pretty stale to me.  But, if you really love sword and sandal stuff, this one might be worth a look.

Sebastiane (1976)

This movie is soft core gay porn.  This makes it my new favorite.  Sebastiane is a Roman Soldier who converts to Christianity and gets sent off to the boondocks with six other soldiers as punishment.  They wrestle, bath, run around naked and play Frisbee.  Sebastiane won't follow any orders and get punished all the time.  When his friend asks him why he acts this way, he tells him he likes getting beat up and wants to die.  For Jesus.  One thing I admire about this movie is it flat out states what a lot of these early Christian films dance around, that the main characters are extreme masochists with death wishes.  If you are intrigued by any of this, it is streaming on Netflix.

Ben-Hur (1959)

Ben-Hur could actually be considered a remake of a 1929 movie.  It is the story of a Jewish guy who rejects his Roman childhood friend in some scenes full of homoerotic subtext.  It's a pretty decent movie and the chariot race scene is awesome.  Also, it's in technicolor, so that's fun.  It makes me wonder if chariot races were as fatal as depicted.  Somehow I doubt it.  If, like me, you have a modern attention span you will probably have to break it up into a couple of viewings.  I wasn't sure to file this under life of Jesus or early Christian, but I'm going to go with early Christian, since it's a sort of idealized "beginning of Christianity" story.

The Miracle Maker (2000)

The Miracle Maker (2000) is the creepiest movie about Jesus.  It is very well done claymation, which puts it far, far into the Uncanny Valley.  It also has 2D segments which look sort of cheap by comparison. There are a few scary moments, but it's otherwise appropriate for children.  The conflate Mary Magdalene and the possessed guy into one person, making her crazy instead of a prostitute.  Also, there are several segments featuring Tamar, the girl that Jesus brought back from the recently dead.  I feel like I've said everything I can about the story of Jesus at this point.  I could watch more movies about him, but I feel like I need to move on.

Jesus of Montreal (1989)

I cheated a bit with this one.  It's set in 1980s Montreal.  But, I needed a break from all the sand.  An actor is hired to update a Passion Play, because attendance has been dropping off.  H gathers together a misfit crew of actors, and then put on a very successful show.  Eventually, the man playing Jesus becomes a modern day Jesus through a series of tragic events. The movie does show several scenes of their play, which is why I've decided to include it. Altogether it's a pretty good movie with an unfortunate soundtrack.

The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)

Now that we are finished with regular Jesus, it is time for his gritty reboot.  I actually enjoyed The Last Temptation of Christ, although it started to drag during the last temptation part.  I found Willem Dafoe's Jesus to be a lot more likable than most of the other portrayals.  Visually, it has some very striking moments.  Also, as an added bonus, nobody uses a fake English accent and everyone acts like a real person.

Jesus (1979)

Behold!  For I have found the worst Jesus movie ever made!  Jesus is available for free on the Internet in every language ever.  It's a word for word adaptation of the Book of Luke.  The actors don't even act it out so much as they just sort of recite it.  Also, Jesus apparently had access to a blow dryer.  It might be good to watch if you are trying to memorize the Book of Luke, otherwise you can skip it.

Jesus of Nazareth (1977)

Jesus of Nazareth is six hours long.  I broke it up into two viewings, but you might want to make it three.  It is very thorough, and actually very good.  So far it's my favorite Jesus movie.  It covers everything from before conception to after the Resurrection.  The acting is very well done.  The characters (even Jesus!) behave like real people.  The costumes manage to be both historical and interesting.  At this point I would suggest that if you are trying to watch your way through history and only want to watch one Jesus movie, watch this one if you have the attention span for it.

Godspell (1973)

Of all the movies I've watched about Jesus, Godspell is by far the stupidist.  I guess if you really like watching hobo-clowns act out parables you should watch it, but otherwise it has nothing to reccomend it.

Jesus Christ Superstar (1973)

Jesus Christ Superstar (1973) is the harrowing tale of a Manson family style cult who drags a man out into the desert and crucifies him.  Seriously, watch it, the guy playing Jesus never gets back on the bus at the end.  That does explain why he seems so stressed.....

The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965)

The Greatest Story Ever Told is another very long, very thorough account of the life of Jesus.  Unlike King of Kings it doesn't try to spice things up with any unnecessary sub-plots.  As usual, I had to break it up into two sittings.  Jesus was once again completely devoid of personality.  It also contains a very scene-ruining cameo by John Wayne.  The movie does, however contain some beautiful shots of the American southwest.

King of Kings (1961)

Although King of Kings deals with the same subject as the 1928 film of the same name, it is not intended to be a remake.  It thoroughly covers the events of Jesus' life from begining to end.  It also added a subplot about Barabbas being a Jewish freedom fighter, make him the 'Prince of War' and Jesus the 'Prince of Peace'.  Although it does explain why the Jews were so keen on releasing Barabbas, it doesn't help the movie much.  It's very long and I had to watch it in two sittings, also Jesus is pretty devoid of personality.

The Kings of Kings (1928)

First a bit of housekeeping, I am now leaving Rome behind and traveling backwards slightly to Jesus.  I'm actually going to watch several of these movies because there is a lot of them, and it's a very culturally significant topic.  I started with The King of Kings.  I watched the 1928 cut, although there is a longer 1927 version.  It is a long, Cecil B. DeMille silent movie.  I found the beginning to be pretty entertaining, as it starts out with Mary Magdalene at her whoreiest.  But by the time they got to the last supper I was starting to get kind of bored.  Surprisingly a few scenes at the end are in 2-strip technicolor, which creates a neat effect.

Masada

Masada is a TV mini-series that aired in 1981.  It was four episodes long and one very hard slog for me.  It pretty much ignores history and turn the Jews into Americans so you know who you are supposed to root for.  There is one particularly narm-y part where the Romans start catapulting Jewish prisoners at the fort.  The best part of the whole movie for me was when my boyfriend came down the stairs, watched a few seconds of the Masadians playing in the water and said, "Nothing enrages Jews like the sound of other Jews having fun."  I thought about placing this movie further down the list since it occurs in the 2nd century C.E., but then I decided I wanted to get all of ancient Israel out of the way at once.  Soon I will be leaving the Jews behind and moving on to Classical Greece.

King David

King David is relatively short for a Bible movie.  The acting was pretty good, and I really like Richard Gere in it.  Especially when he was danceing around in his underwear.

Samson and Delilah

Samson and Delilah is the last of the made for TV Bible Epics movies I'm going to cover.  I actually wasn't very familiar with the story of Samson before this movie, so that made it more interesting for me.  Also, it was full of sexy people.  Elizabeth Hurley gave a good, naturalistic performance, while Dennis Hopper sounded like a robot who had just learned how to understand English.

The Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments is more fun to look at than it is to watch.  The costumes are gorgous, the acting is painful.  I split it into two sittings.  At this point I think the Biblical Epic was starting to wear me down.

Moses

Moses is another one of those very accurate made for TV movies.  Ben Kingsley plays Moses, which leads me to wonder if, in this universe, Moses is somehow descended from Potiphar.  It actually covers more information than than The Ten Commandments even though it is shorter, and it doesn't shy away from things like Moses ordering the death of the disobedient Hebrews.

Joseph

Joseph is a sort of sequel to the made for TV Abraham.  This movie had a surprisingly big name cast with Ben Kingsley playing Potiphar.  There were many shots of the camera caressing a scantily clad Joseph through the gaze of Potiphar.  I really can't figure out if the homoerotic subtext in this movie was intentional or not, but it has made it my favourite Biblical movie.  Also, Monica Bellucci was criminally under-used as the Pharaoh's wife.