Ben-Hur (1959)

Ben-Hur could actually be considered a remake of a 1929 movie.  It is the story of a Jewish guy who rejects his Roman childhood friend in some scenes full of homoerotic subtext.  It's a pretty decent movie and the chariot race scene is awesome.  Also, it's in technicolor, so that's fun.  It makes me wonder if chariot races were as fatal as depicted.  Somehow I doubt it.  If, like me, you have a modern attention span you will probably have to break it up into a couple of viewings.  I wasn't sure to file this under life of Jesus or early Christian, but I'm going to go with early Christian, since it's a sort of idealized "beginning of Christianity" story.

Demetrius and the Gladiators (1954)

Demetrius and the Gladiators is the only slightly better sequel to The Robe.  It has a similar plot to Spartacus.  It's almost impossible to talk about historical accuracy in this movie, because nothing in it is accurate.  It's better to just accept this takes place in an alternate universe.  That being said, it was kind of fun to watch as the fight scenes were pretty good.

The Robe (1953)

This was the first movie to be released in Cinemascope.  And that is the best thing it has going for it.  A Roman General pisses of a not-yet-emperor Caligula by buying the slave he wants.  He gets sent to Jerusalem as punishment and takes part in the crucifixion.  He wins Jesus' robe, but when he puts it on he goes crazy.  A surprisingly accommodating Emperor Tiberius sends him on a mission to recover the robe (his slave ran off with it in Jerusalem) and destroy it to break the curse.  Eventually he becomes Christian and gets martyred with his wife, although it looks in the movie like Caligula declared them martyred, and then they ascended bodily to heaven.

The Sign of the Cross (1932)

The Sign of the Cross is a pre-code Cecil B. DeMille movie, and I loved it.  The first half is relatively dry, but things get crazy in the second act.  The movie takes place during the reign of Nero.  A Roman soldier falls in love with a Christian woman, and rescues her when a meeting of Christians gets broken up and everyone is arrested.  He then has an orgy where a woman does a sexy dance for her.  The movie also feature a Colosseum scene that gets progressively more ridiculous, culminating in battle between Amazons and black dwarfs.  I got the feeling that we were supposed to feel sorry for the Christians, but they all seemed pretty eager to die to me.  They knew that their meeting wasn't a secret anymore, but held it anyway.  As far as costuming goes, the Christian woman is dressed like someone from the 10th century, while Claudette Colbert as the empress is pure 1930s glamour girl.

The Miracle Maker (2000)

The Miracle Maker (2000) is the creepiest movie about Jesus.  It is very well done claymation, which puts it far, far into the Uncanny Valley.  It also has 2D segments which look sort of cheap by comparison. There are a few scary moments, but it's otherwise appropriate for children.  The conflate Mary Magdalene and the possessed guy into one person, making her crazy instead of a prostitute.  Also, there are several segments featuring Tamar, the girl that Jesus brought back from the recently dead.  I feel like I've said everything I can about the story of Jesus at this point.  I could watch more movies about him, but I feel like I need to move on.

Jesus of Montreal (1989)

I cheated a bit with this one.  It's set in 1980s Montreal.  But, I needed a break from all the sand.  An actor is hired to update a Passion Play, because attendance has been dropping off.  H gathers together a misfit crew of actors, and then put on a very successful show.  Eventually, the man playing Jesus becomes a modern day Jesus through a series of tragic events. The movie does show several scenes of their play, which is why I've decided to include it. Altogether it's a pretty good movie with an unfortunate soundtrack.

The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)

Now that we are finished with regular Jesus, it is time for his gritty reboot.  I actually enjoyed The Last Temptation of Christ, although it started to drag during the last temptation part.  I found Willem Dafoe's Jesus to be a lot more likable than most of the other portrayals.  Visually, it has some very striking moments.  Also, as an added bonus, nobody uses a fake English accent and everyone acts like a real person.